Super Tuesday Observations

There's just a bunch of things I am noticing or just flat excited about, and I thought I'd take some time to talk about them here today.

1. I typically gain 5 pounds when I'm in Nashville, but I've been able to run everyday and have had a very healthy diet since being here this time around. Because of my parent's love for all things food, when I'm in diet and health mode, 5009 Stillwood Drive is like my own personal temptation palace. I have a very strong will, and had avoided all the perils of the great tasting foods.....until this morning.

As I walked to the kitchen around 6 am, I could almost sense the temptation lurking somewhere nearby. When I went to the refrigerator to look for some low fat milk for my cereal, I noticed a piece of a familiar plastic bag that had been caught just outside of the freezer door.

When I opened the freezer I could have heard angels sing as two, yes two, quarts of Maggie Moo's ice cream stared back at me like the golden mask in Indiana Jones. The powder blue stain just below the lid of the containers told me that my favorite, Cotton Candy w/Gummy Bears, was calling me from beneath the top of the pink and white container.

It's almost gone now, and I'll need to run an extra couple of miles today to avoid turning into "Chris Brander."

2. Ainsley was messing with the remote control before her nap today and she ended up landing on "The Price is Right." I cannot recall a show that is more obnoxious and riddled with stupid people than PIR, as I remember it so well from the days I was sick at home during middle school and high school. But, wait! There was a surprise for me who was awaiting the dulcet tones of Bob Barker to invade my eardrum when I heard......Drew Carey!?!

I am woefully unaware of my game show host news, but Drew Carey taking over for Mr. Control the Pet Population was interesting to me. Why? Because Bob Barker was the world's largest talking phallus, and Drew Carey is actually funny.

Old Drew was pretty much making fun of the contestants and the games, which made it worth watching to me for a little while. It's the same cretinous group of overweight imbeciles that run full speed down a narrow isle while screaming and jumping with something ridiculous written on their shirt.

If you ever want to be one of them, and wish to make it to the big stage, just remember this: When in doubt, bid $1.

3. Ainsley has more than double the vocabulary of an average 18th month old, at nearly 27 identifiable and specific words she uses appropriately.

She has also been singing a song about a baby the last three days, which I think is Colby Callait's "Capri," which says baby at least two dozen times in the song.

I'll get some video for you soon.

4. Columbus, Ohio was great and they really want Liz there. It is a distinct possibility that I will be "Yankified" for several years as the Buckeye State Capital is our new #1 match choice. I still like Wake Forest, but Ohio State is pretty well going to give Liz the keys to the kingdom, and I want her to be happy and fulfilled while doing this incredibly difficult job.

Jeff Darby, the man who married us, lives in Columbus with his beautiful family, so we feel as if we could really get plugged-in to the church very quickly there and feel at home.

5. Dr. Elrod's Lame-O Weblog is a great page, but the reader population is starting to get pretty annoying. There are a bunch of pseudo-intellectual, pretentious dorks who roam the message boards looking to "beat down" any point with which they disagree, even if the comment is tongue and cheek.

Liberals are so much more fun when they don't take themselves seriously, just like "Dubya."


Have a great Tuesday!

Factious Fridays

Boy, oh, boy do I have some cantankerous thoughts for y'all today. Here we go:

1. The Alex Rodriguez free agency story hit the wires in the middle of game four of the World Series. Mike and Mike, Colin Cowherd, and most notably, Peter Gammons have all described it as despicable and unbelievably arrogant on the part of the slugger to disrupt and take away from the champions in such a manner.

Whatever.

Who interrupted game 4 to talk about it? Who said, "You wouldn't think the team winning the world series could be upstaged, but they have."?

Answer: Sports media.

You mean to tell me that a scenario that was well-known and long talked about came to fruition, and it's this big freakin' deal? Get a clue. Really. Get a clue.

All media outlets will tell you that they "report the news, not make the news." I simply cannot think of any better examples of "making news" than this A-Rod stupidity and the totally absurd nature of the Anna Nicole Smith coverage when she called it quits.

Bottom Line: Don't be fooled.....the media sucks. ESPN and Fox are the worst offenders of suckiness. If anyone knows of some really good sources for sports and real news, please let me know.

2. Speaking over over-hyped, it's difficult for me to let go of this Office thing.

Recorded it, watched it, and lamented the 23 minutes of my life I lost doing so (hey, at least I could fast forward through the commercials and my girls were in bed already, so I didn't lose time with them).

I know, I know. I don't have to watch it. My taste may be very different from that of everyone else, and that's fine. I'm just seriously starting to wonder if I don't understand funny anymore.

It seems to me that Steve Carrell is playing his character, Brick Tamblin, from Anchorman. He doesn't make a laugh as a main character though. So, I'll ask my question a different way....are the first three seasons of the office exactly like season four, or has the quality gone down somewhat to completely?

3. Two days ago, while picking up Liz's beautifully mounted Doctorate diploma at a local framing store, I witnessed a tall and burly man bullying a small, twenty-something, homely-looking, red-haired girl behind the counter for something that wasn't done right with his order. Apparently, there was a "scratch" on his picture frame.

He wasn't necessarily yelling, but he was definitely bullying her via body language and implied non-financial threats. This went on for about two minutes while the girl, almost in tears, was trying to do everything she could to fix the situation quickly and appropriately because there was an obvious time crunch for the immense and well-dressed man.

Maybe it's my Southern roots or my chivalry, but after a particularly nasty phrase about her physical appearance, I stepped in.

"Excuse me, Sir. I'm sorry to interrupt this private conversation between you and the other five people standing around, but I'm curious as to what you hope to accomplish by getting personal with this young lady behind the desk?"

"What?" the man astutely replied.

I expounded, "This lady has told you she can fix the frame quickly and for half the price. At what point do you plan on letting her do that? Is it after you've used your vast size to intimidate yet another person into doing what you wish? Well, maybe you have not yet encountered someone you couldn't intimidate, but my name is Cameron Clark, and I'm not intimidated.

You may take out your frustrations on me if you wish."

The eyes of the observers both behind and in front of the counter darted back and forth between my rather short body and the vast, mountain of a man, who stood looking at me with the most perplexed expression, as if I had asked him a complex astrophysics question.

When his brain gathered all of the pertinent information about the situation it could, he squinted, leaned over three inches, making him about 6'5, and said, "Do you know who I am?"

I immediately said, "I was under the impression I didn't care to whom I was talking, just like you don't seem to either." He was visibly rocked back by this response.

He stood up straight, turned to the girl behind the counter and said,"Do you think you could have that ready by 5:00?" He could not have said it more pleasantly if he were asking her out on a date.

She said, "Absolutely," and there ended the conflict. I was told later who exactly he was, and remained unassuaged by his involvement in certain professional sports.

After he left, another woman who witnessed all this told me that Ainsley, who had been standing just behind my right leg, had peered around and stared at the man with a look one might observe from an angry Lion Cub in a Disney movie; eyebrows furrowed and a pursed mouth.

It was then that I realized Ainsley had scared this man away with the same look her mother might give me if I were to show up to the house drunk and bloody from fighting. It's terrifying.

Lesson: If you stand up for what's right, and pack a fearsome toddler on your hip, you can make someone else's day a little better.

I have more, but I must go tend to my little girl, who is stirring from her nap. I don't want to get "the look."

Factious Fridays

Factious- Quarrelsome, Argumentative, Insubordinate.

**Another dictionary note on 'Factious' is that this word is most commonly used to describe someone who is attempting to incite dissensions or opposition to ruling powers, or for the common good.**

I find 'factious' to be the perfect word to describe what I plan on doing on Friday mornings. All of the comments, opinions, and questions presented here will be done in good fun, without any intention to cause problems or hard feelings; but indeed may be in conflict with popular opinion and/or the media colossus.

This particular cloudy, Kansas City Friday I want to take some time to discuss three things to which I have strong opposition, or have some questions I really would like answered from some of you whom I know lurk on this site daily. I have numbered each topic so that you may easily skip over topics which may not hold your interest. We'll lead off with my adamant disdain for ESPN.

1. The people at the "World Wide Leader in Sports" have very few pieces of programing that I enjoy on any level. However, I continue to patronage their venue, mainly for Sports Center, which does a fairly expedient wrap up of sporting events I may not have watched, but am interested in the outcome. I love the actual competition that is aired, but very little of the commentary and pre-game coverage is worth your time.

This summer, I noticed a not so subtle push for sub-par Big East and ACC teams in the college football pre-season hype. Ray Rice for Heisman? Really? Seriously? Not only does he play at Rutgers, but Rutgers plays in the Big East, and Rutgers scheduled a bunch of Junior High football teams on their non-conference docket. The knowledgeable staff at ESPN behaved as if they were unaware of those facts.

Now, well into the season, we have ESPN turning Boston College into a national power. Instead of questioning the rankings, or launching a continuous bombardment of the playoff-less post-season, we have College Gameday and Mel Kiper, Jr. talking Heisman about BC quarterback Matt Ryan and Oregon signal caller, Dennis Dixon. Who? "Who," as in "who" are they, and "who" have they played worth talking about?

I'm sure the talking heads would call me a "homer," but Andre Woodson and Tim Tebow have been impressive all season, not only on the stat line, but their intangible performances against great teams have warranted more attention than they have garnered.

My point: make your own opinions, and don't listen to the guys in Bristol. They get their information the same way and same place you do: from watching the games.

2. What is the deal with The Office? Many of you, whom I hold in great comedic esteem, have espoused a love for this show. I don't get into many television series, but I decided I would start watching The Office after everyone made such a big deal out of the season premier a few weeks ago.

So far, in the four episodes I DVRed, I have laughed twice. It's so NOT funny, that I can actually remember the number of times I have found it humorous in three hours worth of opportunity.

One line was the, "Hot circle of garbage" referring to Pizza by Alfredo. Well, if The Office was in the geometric shape of a sphere, I would indeed classify it as a "hot circle of garbage." If I'm missing something about the comedic content of this show, please let me know.

I think I know funny, like this clip here from *Fowler Toyota in Oklahoma City. If you've seen the incident which it is parodying, I think you'll find it funny too.

3. I have spent much of my academic career honing the craft of writing and adhering to the rules of grammar which go hand-in-hand with good writing. However, I find the blogosphere to be one of the few places that the comma-splice has good usage.

Authoring a blog is not just writing, it's conversational prose that has rhythm and cadence to the style. Therefore, it is with much shame and guilt on my heart that I announce my intention to blatantly mis-use the comma insofar as making a delineation in style and flow for the reader.

This is a big step outside the rules for me, as I continuously re-read and edit my posts for dangling modifiers, sentence fragments, article-specific omissions, awkward sentence structure, improper tense, etc., etc., Peter Centera. Upon viewing my errors, I , like many grammarians, die just a little inside.

I ask you to take my writing and grammar miscues as time-restraint deficiencies to detail, instead of education or mind deficiencies of the author. It's silly hubris, I know, but please indulge me this on my blog.

Here's to a good weekend coming down the pipe. I hope you enjoy yours!
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*- Fowler Toyota is owned by a HUGE Sooner booster. It's that much more funny if you have the understanding that the parody is not an endorsement of Gundy, rather a jab.