Saturday, November 17, 2007

2007 SEC Most-Hated Team

The annual most hated team is so loaded this year. This team gathers the biggest punks in the SEC, the biggest performers (who are not Auburn Tigers), and the most underachieving Auburn Tigers in 2007.

OFFENSE


QB- Ryan Perrilloux- LSU- He said he was going to win four Heisman's before he left LSU, which looks more and more unlikely between his suspensions, arrests, and lackluster play. Even if you're an LSU fan, you just have to dislike this guy.

QB- Brandon Cox- Auburn- I like the leadership he's shown in some games, but the games the Tigers lost had much to do with his ineptitudes and inability to master the "forward pass." I think his career average is 64.5 passing yards per game. He graduates this year so that he may begin his career selling insurance.

RB- Darren McFadden- Arkansas- I was waiting for him flex his tattooed biceps in such classy fashion if he had scored against Auburn....but he didn't. I have a question about "D-Mac" before he leaves: Where did he get the money to pimp out his Crown Vic that he displayed so proudly in a Gameday Special?

I smell an NCAA investigation.

RB- Anthony Dixon- Mississippi State- Whenever a commentator says, "He runs with such heart," you should translate that into, "he's not very talented, but he's just too stupid to know when to quit." That's Anthony Dixon. I really don't understand his "success" this year.

RB- Knowshon Moreno- Georgia- Where did this kid come from, and what drug was his mother taking when she named him? His brothers Orangejello and Shi-thead should be some good players coming up too.

WR- Early Doucett- LSU- He's a good kid and a talented player. But when his vaginitis flares up and he can't dress for a game unless it goes into overtime, there are some issues.

WR- Mohamed Massaquio- Georgia- Three straight years on the most-hated squad. Good for him. It almost matches the number of paternity suites filed against him this year.

WR- Tim Hawthorne- Auburn- Allegedly this kid is "supposed" to be good. If he can stay out of trouble and academically eligible, he may be able to disappoint for the next three years, as he is only a freshman.

WR- Kenny McKinley- South Carolina- Who? He's the second leading receiver in the conference this season for reasons passing understanding. He joins other great South Carolina receivers such as Michael McMichaels and Fatty McFatty on the all-time most hated team.

TE- Cole Bennett- Auburn- This guy accidentally fell on a fumble for a touchdown in the SEC Championship game in 2004. It was the last good thing he did.

T- Andre Smith- Alabama- If he's not on your favorite team, you'd hate him too. Just so freakin' good.

G- Herman Johnson- LSU- The biggest baby ever born in Louisiana has a starting job because he occupies space. So does his mother, at 5'6 375, but she's not on scholarship anywhere.

C- Josh McNeil- Tennessee- Same reason Andre Smith is on the team.

G- Chaz Ramsey- Auburn- Provided the dirtiest hit I've ever seen when he went straight for Glen Dorsey's knee when the All-American DT was engaged with Jason Bosley. It was an embarrassing moment to be a Tiger. He's only a freshman, so he's got more disesteem and humiliation ready for Auburn fans over the next three years if he doesn't grow up and become a man.

T- King Dunlap- Auburn- He's 6'10, and has the same problem Herman Johnson does....he's not good. He was beat out by a freshman for his job after game 3 when Dunlap was getting tooled by fat, slow defensive ends.

K- Colt David- LSU- He ran for a touchdown, so all of the sudden he's a good kicker? Whatever.

Offensive Coordinator- Gary Crowton- LSU- Ryan Perrilloux and Matt Damon Flynn do not need to share a backfield. Also, he actually ran some "pistol" formation in the offense. It's the biggest junk offense since the "ooompty-ooomp."

DEFENSE

DE- Jamaal Anderson- Arkansas- He's in the pros now, and I still hate him. I think he just sacked Bradon Cox again last week (right around King Dunlap).

DT- Glen Dorsey- LSU- He's the wrong stripe of Tiger to be that good for my taste. He's a good guy though.

DT- Derrick Harvey- Florida- He's gonna make it rain in Gainesville like Pacman Jones. Strip clubs, drugs, and cops. Ugh!

DE- Titus Brown- Mississippi State- "More black kids should come be part of Mississippi State football. Lots don't even consider us, and that's a betrayal of being black. It's a new nation down here. They owe it to us to come here and be part of history." Really? This is the racial equivalent of, "you ain't cool unless you pee your pants."

LB- Trey Blackmon- Auburn- Can't seem to get his priorities straight. He's uber-talented, but his "Little Ball of Hate" personae seems to catch the attention of the cops as much as the opposition.

LB- Ali Highsmith- LSU- He should have his own little entourage that walks behind him chanting, "over-rated" to make up for all the accolades he gets that are undeserved. If you've watched LSU the past two months, you know he's been the weak link.

LB- Jerrod Mayo- Tennessee- Back to back years on the list, way to go! Just SO not good, yet outspoken, stupid, and overrated.

DB- Jonathan Wilhite- Auburn- One good game in 24 possible outings isn't quite good enough. I'll be glad to see him go.

DB- Jonathan Hefney- Tennessee- He's like the new Jason Allen, except we don't have pictures of him getting run over by Ronnie Brown. We all know he's just a big a (explicative) as J. Allen though.

DB-Aarion Savage- Auburn- He dances so well after making a hit (although the catch made before the hit was for 22 yards and a first down in the red zone) that he should be on Dancing with The Stars, or something that doesn't require him to play football for Auburn.

DB- Craig Steltz- LSU- He makes some plays and has a few picks this season, but that's because of the law of large numbers. SEC offensive coordinators go after him all day, and he gives up lots of yardage and has many, many big plays made against him. The media calls him a "play maker," and that's true, but just not for LSU so much.

P- Ryan Shoemaker- Auburn- He hasn't decide yet if he's good or not. Maybe when he figures it out he can let the coaches know so they can make a firm decision on him as a punter or water boy.

Defensive Coordinator- John Chavis- Tennessee- After he FINALLY gets fired from his post at Tennessee for not being good at his job, I think he's gonna be a good candidate to join the mafia. He's got the look, just check out his picture and bio on the Volunteer homepage.

Head Coach- Nick Saban- Alabama and Les Miles- LSU- in the first ever split-ballot of hate, both of the head men are just so greasy and classless together that their pairing is some how a perfect match made in the deepest recesses of hell. They deserve each other.

Congratulations to the 2007 edition of the Most Hated Team. We are looking to replace the void the "Bob Hope All-American Team" left in the hearts of the fans.

3 comments:

tayers44 said...

Derrick Harvey? Why must we find a way to insult the defensive M-V-P of the 2006 BCS National Championship Game? There are so many teams in the NFL craving pass rushers who will jump on him early. The fact that you put him on the most-hated list of SEC talent makes me think that Troy Smith stole your password to your blog and inserted his thoughts and/or fears.

Cameron Clark said...

I didn't say he wasn't a good player.

When it draft time comes around in April, I promise you there will be "character questions" that drop his draft stock a little.

tayers44 said...

The only questions of character will be who he will let handle his multi million dollar contract, maybe he can call Jarvis Moss, for some guns, I mean..uh...financial advice.