It's hard to be truly cantankerous and factious today. It's still Thanksgiving Weekend. That means more football, turkey sandwiches, a little bourbon, and a day at home to relax with the family. I could start to diffuse the usual factiousness with some cheesy and overdone intro on "warm memories" and holiday meals spent around the table, giving thanks for all the love and blessings in my life.I have all those things, just like you probably do; But I don't want the high levels of tryptophan still in your system, plus a boring article on my happy childhood Thanksgivings to put you to sleep as you read this. So, I'll put some thoughts of people like our new visitor, southerndaddy, in my mind and get down-right belligerent so that I may "bring the ruckus"* as you have come to expect on Fridays. Here we go.
1. When you buy a new car, relish that new car smell, the smooth acceleration, and pure joy of driving for as long as you can. Why? Because when your bumper-to-bumper warranty expires, you have less than 5,000 miles left before your car hates you.
Fuel pumps, gas gauges, carburetors, suspension system, and your power locks will all desert you like a Kennedy under indictment. Every car owner I've talked to, with the exception of Toyota and Honda owners, have lamented about their post warranty vehicles.
Lesson: Why is the American Auto Industry so bumfuzzled when they see falling sales? Because their workers are unionized and get 15 minutes of smoke break every 45 minutes, plus one hour lunches. The quality is gone, the warranties have more holes than a hooker's pantyhose, and much like the hooker, their service departments are out to screw you for money. It's beautiful Capitalism, baby!
Until the American Auto Industry gets a clue, my money will continue to go overseas. Since all my tax money is spent on failing health and education systems here at home, my personal decision to get quality wherever it may be is as American and responsible as it gets.
Peace, suckers!
2. In case you missed the Nick Saban press conferences this week, here's a summation:
"Fans this, and media that. Tommy Tuberville hit me in the head with a wiffle ball bat."
If you get paid $4 million dollars a year to coach football you should probably allow the players, the media, and the fans that provide the revenue for your salary to expect something in return. A 6-5 record is not it.
Only if Saban can end the streak against Auburn has Nicky-boy earned his paycheck this year. However, the attitude and demeanor of his team suggests that to be an unlikely outcome this weekend. Three weeks ago I would have argued that St. Nick's job was already a success with his defeats of Arkansas and Tennessee, and a chance to jump into the top 2 in the western division by season's end. Those days are long gone.
Tuscaloosa is not Baton Rouge. Saban can't expect to be a rock star at Bama for very long like he was regardless at LSU. If a Bama coach wins a National Championship, he can expect the Tide fans to start asking about what's in store for the team next year by January 10th when the recruiting gets hot and heavy.
There were 92,000 Bama fans at Bryant-Denny for A-Day last April, and Saban thought the expectations weren't through the roof? Did Saban actually think they came to see him just pace the sideline for the scrimmage? Wow. That's some ego, folks!
3. When I do actually find myself becoming irritable or truly cantankerous, all those feelings are washed away when my daughter lays her head on my lap. I just can't be angry or frustrated at all after that. Suddenly all that matters is resting right in front of me.
So, just to let everyone know, I really and truly rarely get that upset because I am at home all day with her. She is my even keel, my anger management course, and the source of much joy in my world......all in one.
I had to give you one "good one" in lieu of the obligatory "I'm thankful for...." list.
Enjoy your food and football weekend. Hold the lemons.
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*= All rights reserved by Paavo Tucker, Swamp Inc., 1999.
